Just cropdusted the office
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
