OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
