Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
