Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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