return my video game
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
