I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Hello my rib-scented angel!
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
