Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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