Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize