I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I will be naked everywhere
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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