At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
