Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Randomize
