Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
