just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
