I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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