I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
