Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
