Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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