This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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