Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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