so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
