I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
