im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
