From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
