My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
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