We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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