so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
3 2 1 whiskey
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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