He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
