We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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