he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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