boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
