drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
