One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
There r osticjed everywhere
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
