Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize