I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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