I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
