She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
