i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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