Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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