ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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