how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
