After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
