I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Randomize
