her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
