Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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