I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
