Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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