dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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