if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
