I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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