my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
