I think im going to throw up on grandma
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
