There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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