i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
