I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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