Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
