it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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