If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
