you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
