I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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