I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
