if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
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