Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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