Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
