I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
