Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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