If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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