my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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