The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
my poor anus
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
