I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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