my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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