Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
